Welcome to Fabulous...

(Eric)

Do you ever feel like you're in the minority of rational people left in our society?

Just before my family came down to Dallas, Kirsten and I enjoyed a trip to Las Vegas on Liberty Mutual.

A few months ago, I completed my CPCU designation, which is cooler to an insurance professional than a clearance sale at Express is to Kirsten. Because of this, Liberty sent Wifey and me on an all-expenses-paid trip to ol' Sam's Town.

Each time I visit Vegas, there's more to see, more to do, and more media to demand my attention. Yet, it annoys me more quickly each time.

Growing up, traveling through or to Vegas wasn't uncommon as it was a natural stopping point on the way to Southern California or a day trip from Mesquite (NV) or St. George (UT). Just remember not to take the slapping cards or look at the ads on taxi roofs; enjoy the bright lights and see the sights. But after a five-year reprieve (my last trip was to see BYU wax Oregon 38-8... thank you Johnny Harline), the artificial town was more transparent to me than ever before. Needing enhancement from world landmark copycats, establishments devoid of values, and abundant booze, the Strip consists of a couple miles worth of faux culture and no soul, with the latter being loudly advertised.

It's the epitome of mindless consumerism and lemming-like savings destruction in order to keep up with the opulence and expectations of the world (Kirsten even got tired of walking past so many high-end stores). Knowledge and reason aren't important; fleeting, hollow pleasure, and worrying about what others think of you? Of course!

Obviously, it all goes back to gambling. In order to get anywhere, one must navigate (David-Bowie-less) labyrinths of cigar-smoke-reeking casinos, and this tactic works amazingly! All the flashing lights and million-dollar chandeliers (try the Cosmopolitan's, which encompasses whole floors and restaurants) are enough to convince millions of otherwise rational people to dump their money into inverse ATMs and bottomless green tables. The casinos then thank them, give them another drink to dull their senses and prolong the idiocy, and continue taking in truckloads of money. Even taking any moral reasons out of the equation, casino gambling is just dumb. People know this and still do it!

I may lack many talents and accomplishments, but God has clearly imbued me with an strong sense of practicality-- definitely a plus for a Mormon and middle-class American at a down time for our economy. Luckily, my reasonableness enables me to get past this sort of temptation.

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Getting to Vegas wasn't easy. Sam, and later, Kirsten, both got pretty sick for a couple days, so I had to re-arrange Kirsten's flight a couple times, which took a fair amount of work and haggling. There was even a brief period when American almost gave me a $200 flight voucher to wait for the next flight (why not?). Tired and feeling especially cynical, I ended up flying out there on my own.

After deplaning, I couldn't help from stopping to watch a group of travelers from my flight. Of course, McCarran Airport has one-armed bandits lined up near each gate, and there were a fair number of passengers who walked up the jetway straight to the slot machines, eagerly depositing their cash as if they couldn't get rid of it quickly enough.

Insert $50 bill. Push button until the symbols stop changing. Done.

Airport employees asked if they could help me as I stood and laughed out loud at the ridiculousness of the situation. My mocking could have been met with anger if the spinning BARs and 7s weren't already commanding full attention.

Exhausted after a night of little sleep and a lot of time in and out of airports, I sleepwalked around MGM and New York New York for much of the day, almost growling at those around me for the reasons outlined in this post. After it became clear that Kirsten wouldn't make it out for a couple more days, I quickly got out of town and made my way up to my first night's reservation in the beautiful, anti-Vegas of St. George.

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Don't get me wrong-- once Kirsten arrived in Vegas, we had a swell time CPCU-Conferencing, dining out on Liberty's dime, checking out the Strip (somewhat in moderation-- at least all the walking gave us exercise to counteract all the food), and enjoying out-of-town excursions to St. George (my second time on the trip, though I won't complain) and Hoover Dam. It was also nice to have my fellow CPCU recipient, Joseph, and his friend around.

We stayed at Caesar's Palace, which is a ridiculously huge complex of hotel towers, miles of conference rooms, shops, casinos, and restaurants. Favorites included Paris (good breakfast buffet-- thanks, employer) and Bellagio.

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Perhaps the most laughable Vegas myth, propagated by Hollywood like so many lies in our society, is that the Strip is sophisticated and populated mainly by the young and attractive. Retirees throwing away their hard-earned pensions, white trash, and sadly defeated souls make up most of the crowd. Of course the beautiful people are there to make us feel uncomfortable, as my friend Joseph pointed out, but most of them quickly lose their style points as they sink to the depths of Las Vegas.

I don't mean this post as an insult to those who visit Las Vegas (obviously, we visited and enjoyed much of our vacation, and Vegas also brought us the blessing of The Killers); I simply mean it as an insult to the stupidity of people's actions while they're in Las Vegas. It's a place that teaches you to lose yourself for just a little while... as if your time there somehow doesn't count toward your Final Tally. Sure, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas-- except your conscience, liver, bank account, and STDs.